Mirror Mirror on the Wall…

There’s nothing I dislike more than a liar. If you’re going to lie, don’t make it a lie that someone can instantly prove is a lie. I’m not saying that lies are okay if you’re not going to be caught, but I’m saying why would you do it in the first place if it’s weak? White lies about your friend gaining weight or if their baby is cute are fine. Saying I have purple hair, or that I’m a lawyer when I clearly don’t and am not, are not okay. Anyway, you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this and where I’m going with this is Bumble.

I matched with Thomas on Bumble at the end of April, I messaged him because I thought he was cute. That’s the first thing that attracts you on these dating apps: physical appearance. Maybe they have a witty profile but the first thing you look at is their pictures. Thomas and I chatted on the app for a bit, then we exchanged phone numbers and switched to texting. After about a week we decided to make plans to meet and hang out. So, like most girls, I wanted to do some of my own research on this guy. My own personal background check you might say. First, I checked Instagram but there wasn’t much to see so I switched to Facebook – yes guys, I’d say the majority of girls and their friends do this before meeting you so don’t be alarmed. That’s where I discovered that all of this pictures he used on Bumble were from 2011-2014!

How often do you update the pictures on your dating profiles? I try to keep mine as up to date as possible because I don’t want to misrepresent myself. They’re usually all within a year, maybe one picture from two years ago if I haven’t changed much. Thomas apparently thought that pictures from when he was 19 years old would be an accurate representation of himself as a 25 year old.

If you know me, you know I’m very straight forward so I called him out on it and this is how it went:

text convo

I was a little skeptical… okay, a lot skeptical but I let it go because I figured if there was a lot of change he would realize I would see them when we meet up. I still had a bad feeling though, plus, a triple text to explain himself? Seemed like he was trying to hide something.

We planned to go to dinner and I felt like I was going on a blind date. The most recent picture I had seen of him was 3 years ago. I drove into where we were meeting for dinner and he was sitting outside. He did NOT look, “mostly the same”. If he thinks he looks the way he does in his pictures then I would love to know what kind of magic mirror he’s looking in every day.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall show me what I looked like 6 years ago.”

Thomas was standing there wearing a denim-like, button up shirt, khakis, and a beige baseball cap. His hair was longer than before so he didn’t lie about that; however, he had put on a substantial amount of weight. He also looked way older than his age rather than, “still kinda [looking] 18”. I could say all this in a much more aggressive, angry way but I’ve calmed down now. He was not like wine – he was not getting better with age. When I saw him I almost texted an excuse so I could just leave but I felt bad that he drove all the way there so I parked and we had dinner. What happened to first impressions though? That outfit was not helping him and I am definitely not any kind of fashion guru. His longer hair was coming out of the back of the hat, you know through the hole you would put your ponytail through, and it just looked greasy. I’ve gone out with guys in the past that I was head over heels for who I didn’t think were the hottest guys in the world but their personality made them even better looking. His looks weren’t the main problem though, the problem was that Thomas straight up lied to me and so I had completely different expectations. Everything he said was annoying me; I don’t know if it was just because I was already irritated with him about lying or what. He laughed at everything I said, (even when it was not funny) and he mentioned money too many times.

Dating tip #318: Don’t go to get sushi with a girl and then tell her you haven’t had it in a while because it’s, “sooooo expensive”, then proceed to order the cheapest thing on the menu. If you can’t afford sushi, then don’t go get sushi.

Now guys, don’t even get me started by saying that girls misrepresent themselves or are lying to you by wearing makeup. I don’t try to act like that’s what I actually look like.

I don’t think I need to say it but we haven’t spoken since. I have absolutely no desire to. If you’re going to describe your appearance as, “honestly, mostly the same [as when I was 19],” and I’m about to see with my own eyes that that’s not true, then you’re either delusional, or a straight up liar and those are not qualities I look for in a man.

I guess I can say this was the time I got semi-catfished. I mean, at least he was the same guy and not a total stranger? Trying to look on the bright side here.

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*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.

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