Everyone loves to hear about Tinder dates (especially the bad ones). Well my friends, I believe this date could go down in the record books as Worst Date in the History of the World. By now I’m sure everyone has had some experience with Tinder. Either first hand or by watching your single friends swipe left or right in search of someone to match with. Everyone on Tinder has different goals. Some are looking for an actual relationship (this may be the minority), some are looking for a hook up with no strings attached, and every now and then you may come across someone looking for a threesome, dominatrix, or to cheat on their spouse (these are just a few things I’ve come across so far).
It was a normal day when I got a notification on my phone from tinder letting me know I have, “a new match!” Let’s see who mutually swiped right for me this time.
Sam and I are now a match! He messaged me right away and got straight to the point. The question everyone wants to ask but also doesn’t want to ask, “what are you looking for on Tinder?” I answered very carefully. At this point in my life I’m not looking for some kind of one night stand or “fuck buddy,” I’m looking for something more serious. I also understand the concept of dating; you’re not going to meet once and decide to be exclusive and then start with the “boyfriend/girlfriend” labels right off the bat. My answer was that I’m looking for something more serious but that I am open to other options too. Well, I guess that was a little vague and misleading on my part. Sam asked if I’d like to meet up for coffee later that week. He asked to meet at a local Starbucks at 6:oo P.M.
These are the things that ran through my head…
- I don’t drink coffee
- 6:00… that’s dinner time. Do I eat before? Do I wait and see if we go to eat after… this was such a weird time.
- Is coffee some kind of test to see if he wants to even spend money on me for dinner?
I debated even going at all but I figured I need to get out and meet new people and the experience could be good just to get out in the dating world. So I got ready and got to Starbucks (I was early, as usual) and I waited. I saw him walk in the door so I got up and hugged him hello and then we sat down. I was a little thrown off right away because he picked the location but didn’t order anything but he also didn’t offer to order me anything so we just awkwardly sat in this Starbucks without buying anything!
This is when things started to get good. When I say good, I mean bad. I’m just going to quote a couple of the highlights within the first 30 minutes of this meeting.
Sam: “I’m what girls usually call a fuckboy.”
Me: “You do realize that is NOT a compliment right?”
Sam: “Yea, I know but if a girl doesn’t sleep with me after 2-3 dates I just don’t talk to her again.”
He continued to go on and tell me how he can tell right away if he will want to sleep with a girl or not. I already had checked my watch about 3 times and it had barely been 35 minutes. Was this the point when I could just get up and walk out? At the same time I was intrigued to hear what other ludicrous things he was going to say. The next topic was politics… always a good thing to bring up on a first date… or not. Let’s just say we had varied opinions on that as well.
The best part was when he told me he did not want a serious relationship until he was late 30’s so he can get married at 40. Okay, that’s fine, but this is how the convo went…
Me: “So if you met a girl tomorrow who you thought was the most beautiful girl in the world and you loved to spend time with her, you would just let her walk away because you’re not 38 yet and don’t want a serious relationship?”
Sam: “I consider myself to be a very good looking guy so yea she can walk away and I’ll find another one.”
I really wanted to leave, he was just wasting my time at this point. No matter how rude and ridiculous he was I still had this feeling that I didn’t want to be rude (I need to get over that). Luckily, he initiated the ending of this “date” by splitting his hands to indicate a fork in the road while saying, “Well, I guess we’re looking for different things so we should probably just part ways here.” I couldn’t agree more so my response was simply, “Yep,” as I grabbed my purse and almost sprinted out the door. That’s when I immediately got on my phone laughing to call all my friends and tell them how utterly ridiculous this date was. Longest hour of my life; I’m not really sure how I even lasted that long!
Lesson learned: be upfront about what I’m looking for and never be nervous for a date again because none will ever be as terrible as this one. I hope this gives everyone a laugh and to all the other single ladies out there: I hope it gives you some peace of mind that if I survived this date, you can also survive the dating world.
**Post title help from my business partner and friend, Hannah**